Stuck?

This isn’t going to be another attempt to try and pretend I’m motivating myself to do something good for myself and my creativity. I tell myself that it’s going to be different and I’m going to give my writing, painting, and creating a new dedication no matter how tired I am or even if I just don’t feel like it. But I really don’t know why I haven’t written in a while. I have thought about it. I guess I haven’t really had anything to write about but that also seems like kind of a lame excuse.

I would love to write for a blog or website and actually make a living from it. But it is so damn hard to have dreams sometimes. Settling isn’t so bad. I mean, I’m still in the entertainment business and I do love the job and the perks and couldn’t ask for better co-workers, with a few exceptions. I have fun and I don’t mind going into work. But I do lack a drive. I don’t have a passion for it. I think it’s interesting. There is no doubt about that, but I definitely don’t think what I’m doing is beneficial or super special I guess. But as much as I would love to be making a more than decent living off writing, and this is not be me discouraged or making an excuse, I just don’t do it for that reason. And I think that I want to continue to love writing. I want to continue to let it be my escape for when I need one. It’s like moving to Hawaii. It’s beautiful, it’s a nice get away, and when you’re there you never want to leave. But you can’t live in paradise. Then it just becomes normal and routine and all of a sudden you’d rather be anywhere else.

You should absolutely love what you do. But I think that you can and it doesn’t mean it has to be your profession. I love to write. It makes me feel good and it makes me feel proud. I don’t think I will ever stop. Do I need to dedicate more time to it? Yes. But is it okay that I am not seeking to have it be my source of income? I think so.

It is wonderful that people pursue their dreams and have such a drive for it that it’s literally how they want to spend a majority of their time. I respect and admire those people. I am even more envious when people reach those dreams and whatever their passion is what supports them and their loved ones. That’s amazing. But that’s just not how I feel. And if I do pursue writing, I’d be forcing the passion. I think people can be talented in so many ways but whatever they are talented in, doesn’t have to their career.

I have many passions. I have many things that I want to make more time for. I have been reading more and I am really glad about that. That’s a goal I had for myself and also thought that it would encourage me to want to write more. The important thing is making time for myself to do the things that I enjoy. I can never be too tired or not have enough time for doing things that make me happy. And sometimes that alone is hard so I try my best to be more conscious of it and that I am willing to put work in.

Writing and painting are things that make me happy and take me away to another world when I need a break from the real one. But I need to do it for myself only. There is a difference between settling and feeling comfortable with being comfortable. There are days where my job is stressful and I wish I had a different one, but I would even have those days with writing. You just need to shake things up from time to time. And that is where I am glad that I have writing and my other hobbies to help me be different versions of myself when I need to.