Break-ups/Make-ups– History of the Longest Broken Record
Now, I think we have all been there. Unless you’ve been extremely logical your entire life, you at least know someone who has been there. But, we form a relationship with someone, it wasn’t ever really that good, they treat you so awful but we continue to go back to them. Why is that??
I had a boyfriend (if you want to call it that) where we were more off than on. He broke my heart in every way imaginable–crushing my self-esteem and idea of ever being loved. We started off good friends and then he wanted more and I was hesitant but he persisted and then he got me and then he didn’t want me. That cycle continued for two years. YEARS GUYS. Ridiculous. Anyway, I knew he was wrong for me. I knew it was never going to work when he would beg and plea I give him another chance. There moments where I felt weak and just wanted to return back to the time we were just good friends. Women always want to be friends right away because we don’t want to lose some sort of connection, it’s stupid. But yes, I just kept returning to him. I would spend months LOATHING him and then just forgive and let go. I made so many excuses: “it’s not good to have anger in your heart,” “I just want things to be back to normal,” “He’s got issues and needs help.” The last one is actually true, but that isn’t the point and I certainly couldn’t be the one to help him.
I don’t know why I kept going back to him. It wasn’t like he was devishly handsome, the smartest cookie, or the only guy to ever like me. But “he was different.” (insert puking noise). He was the first guy to ever actively pursue me. He was the first guy that told me that he thought I was “super pretty” and be willing to be called my boyfriend during one of the times we got back together. I guess I just felt I couldn’t do better. I thought that if he could just realize that I am perfect for him and we could grow up together, it would be magical. He promised me that the first time he confessed his feelings for me. He promised me that it would work. What a crock of shit! But hindsight is always 20/20. And with my new vision, I finally learned that nothing would ever change, moved on, and met the most wonderful boyfriend a girl could dream of. (Hint: It’s Nels)
The reason this comes up is because I’m talking to a friend who for the UMPTEENTH time of getting mauled by some bitch and still hasn’t learned his lesson. I don’t fucking get it! But I do. Does that make sense? I’m hoping so. There is nothing about this girl that is special. She doesn’t even live here! Are you kidding me!? She’s awful to him and it controls his life to the point where he falls apart and ends up dismissing his friends who truly love him. BUT, I have been there. I didn’t dismiss my friends, I needed them. But I know they were tired as shit of me crying all the time and not wanting to help myself. And just like me, my friend isn’t stupid. He knows! He knows the ending to all these cycles are going to be total shit and I do get frustrated, but I can’t because I’ve been him and I need to realize that just like me again, he needs to make the decision on his own. Now, he’s been doing this dance for much longer than I ever did, but that is just a minor detail.
I just wonder why people ever deal with this shit the way they do? I mean, even going through it, I couldn’t give you a solid, justified explanation to why I put up with half the shit I ever did. Young and naive? Low self-esteem? Feeling a connection that is only real for a minimal amount of time and creating it much larger in our heads and hearts than it is? Thinking that life really doesn’t go on and we’ll never do better? Well, I am here to tell you, grow up. You are amazing. If it wasn’t good from the start, It never will be and you can find the Nels of your life if you just keep your head up and realize your self worth and have some self respect. All that time you’re spending going in circles with that douchebag is time that you could be spending doing something positive for yourself. And the second you make that decision and don’t look back, the sooner it will happen. TRUST ME.
ALSO! Attention douchebags dragging us along: What the hell is your problem?? You obviously don’t like us, don’t say that you just want to make sure we all still stay friends, and stop relying on our attention to temporarily feed your ego. Get a life and leave us alone! Bitch.